I sit here and try to collect myself and my thoughts and I’m having a hard time being still. It’s officially 30 days until “Depth” releases and 3 months (to the day) before our third child is estimated to be born. There are so many things I want to do and time is running forward at a pace that’s hard to keep up with. We are pouring over every detail coming up to the album release. Performing and scheduling shows, checking and double checking the physical and digital distribution, working on videos and blog posts and merch and more. I’m trying to take each task one step at a time and consider everything prayerfully.
I truly do not wish for this album to go anywhere for my own glory, I only want it to be successful if it brings glory to God and is useful for His purposes. I’ve been reflecting a lot on Ecclesiastes lately. One particular verse that continues to come to mind is from chapter 10, verse 10: “If the iron is blunt, and one does not sharpen the edge, he must use more strength, but wisdom helps one to succeed.” So I’m trying not to work with sheer might, but rather work with wisdom. I know I can’t do everything I want to do. There’s always another Instagram to post and another email to send. But at the end of the day I just ask God to take the music He has given me and carry it to the people who He’s planned it for.
Being over 6 months pregnant gives me perspective in all of this. It forces me to slow down. I know the days are growing short where I am only required to divide my attention between two children, and so to cherish the moments (and appease my mommy guilt), instead of working on music stuff today I spent the whole day with them at Chuck E. Cheese. This is love people. I love my kids. I do not love the Chuck. And knowing that I am about to be given the incredible gift and responsibility of caring for a third child reminds me that God is good, God is sovereign, and God is in control. If I ever think I have control over all these gifts in my life (my music, my children, my calling) then I will be woefully disappointed and probably terrified.
I hope everyone will be able to hear my heart when the album is released in 30 days. There have been years of blood, sweat and tears that have gone into this project. I am so thankful for the enduring support and encouragement of my faithful fans and supporters. I approach this big moment with great love and affection for you all.